Trusting Intuition and Engaging Only Trustworthy People

Trusting and Most Importantly LIVING OUT your Intuitive Knowings and Understandings
The crazy and most disturbing and frustrating thing about no resources in Chicago, is that I KNEW that back in 2006 when I went to CA. I knew I didn't want to go back to Chicago and when I went to my CC graduate and then on to LA, I had set in my mind that I was done with Chicago. But then biological family and other people contradicted that personal conviction. I think my uncle, my dad, my mom, etc. thought I'd be better back in Chicago. The best thing to learn from that (after spending a year CONFIRMING my original observation and truism -- that I'm done with Chicago) is HOW can I validate to such an extent that I don't let other people's views or beliefs get in my way. Life would be terrible if you KNEW things (like being done with Chicago), but then had to spend a year "validating that conviction for others". I tried my best in chicago to make it work, but knew in the back of my mind that I had made the decision to not come back to it. This created confusion. When people ask "where I'm from", I just tell my story of feeling like CA is home, having been physically born in chicago, but don't really know what to say! I think the best lesson is, when someone gives you advice on something that contradicts a personal, sincere decision you've made, then SHARE that decision! An example was when my grandmother told me not to take the care to the Thanksgiving celebration in Walla Walla. I had planned to do that and she contradicted my decision. It's great and okay to have people that contradict your decisions, but just ensure that you just look at that as "awareness of a disagreement" and not as evidence that you need to change something about your life. That's refreshing. Another example: I didn't tell my parents that I had made the decision to not go back to chicago. So I think a goal of mine should be expressing the why and how I have certain convictions about what I want to do with my life. That will accelerate my success. It's like I know, better than anyone else in the world, what I've done and where I will most likely have success. That makes sense, right? I mean how could someone else -- no matter how close -- without knowing all of my experiences, choices, emotions, and "how I work" possibly EVER "know" how I can create success for me, better than myself? Such a possibility is nearly inconceivable. Granted, many people DO seem to know me well and offer incredibly validating and aligning advice (like yourself), but ultimately you are the person who knows best. I feel like I've spent a lot of my life doing things that I know wouldn't work but enduring them because other people felt they would work (seeing shrinks, going back to chicago, etc. are examples). I've been forced to see 8 shrinks (some were great friends, some were the epitome of a problematic people), but I NEVER voluntarily chose out of my own volition to see any of them. It's time to start operating from volition and just making "a mental note" of others views or contradictions to that. I feel like my parents are tied into this, like my dad thinks he knows what's best for me and I trusted that more than I trusted my own convictions. I don't think one should ever do that. That all goes back to Saying No!!! If you can effectively say no, you end up sharing your convictions with people and don't do things that are contradictory to your life.

In fact, the past year in Chicago -- with all the things I've done for other people (therapy for parents, spectator/audience for friends' bands, brothers games, parents business events, meeting with other contacts, etc. etc. -- I just look at as Pure Service. I mean doing peace corp in Africa would be close to a vacation! Because I'd actually get official credit for that service with that program. I don't seem to have acquired that in Chicago. But it's great to know how I've classified the past year with Chicago; it's simply been one big selfless act of service. That's the only thing, for me at least, to do in Chicago! Great, that was good. But now that's done. No more selflessness, just my life, my success.

Others' Performances and Saying No = Non-Mandatory Events
You're SOOO right about saying no. Saying yes for fear of hurting the others' feelings, creating disappointment, or for fear of altering how they view and think of you. Looking it at that way I suddenly realize we just have hundreds of "invitations" (to buy this, go to that, say no to that, go in this door, out that door, etc.) to do things throughout life but NON of them are mandatory!!! You don't have to go to anyone's stuff, if you don't want to, but I still do. I'm seeing my friends' band Cobalt for the 4th time tonight. They're great, but again, its an example of yet another thing that is me spectating someone else's successes someone else's performance, when what I really want to be doing is DOING my performance, my event, that's scheduled and people are there to see John. That's not the case with going to see the band. Everyone's there to see cobalt, which is great. It's their event, just like my brothers' track and basketball games are about him, and my parents Innovation Awards were about them. I find it unsettling that I went to all of those events for them, but no one came to my college graduation except for all the students with whom I was graduating with, which was great.


Scammed Again!
I really do trust people too much. I got scammed big time. I don't understand how and why this keeps happening to me, but it must stop. This club in Chicago, Transit, charged 100 to my card, when I only bought 2 ($10 worth of drinks). I'll never go back to that place and NEVER have a concash bar tab, and hopefully with have less and less or ZERO bar tabs from now on, ever! Then on the way back from the club, the cabby scammed me for money by charging me $8.45 and then taking and additional $5, saying the card didn't go through (when it did). That was scammed and ripped off twice, in TWO totally separate incidents, by totally different people! I hate this city, I'm through and am moving to Nature. We all have our individual events and experiences that cross our lives, but I've been scammed more than most people I know. I really can't trust anyone. If you had a ton of experiences where people helped you out and never conned you, you could have a different relationship to trust. But if you're by nature, overly trustworthy, like me, and have been conned, ripped off, and stolen from, on so many times, you MUST have a different relationship to trust. In other words, one's level of trust should reflect their experiences to an extent. If you've been ripped off a lot, that's a Beautiful indicator that you need to be MUCH less trustworthy. If you've been ripped off and stolen from as many people as I have, you've been trusting the greedy, conniving, and wrong people. Before you trust, you have to create as much verification to ensure a person and/or group is aligned with your beliefs, is benevolent, genuine, and altruistic like you, because that's the way you are, and greedy thieves actually Exploit benevolence in people. It's bad enough that they lack benevolence, but the fact that they actually exploit benevolence of others, is just sickening. Saints shouldn't mingle with swindlers. haha! But I've actually trusted those people with a "blind belief" in humans in general. Like I said, we all have different relationships with trust, based on our personal experiences. If you have never been scammed or conned, you probably don't' have to worry about being overly-trustworthy. I, on the hand, have to reduce my level of trust with people drastically. This has been a blessing -- all these ripoffs, and thefts, though -- because it's shown me that everyone is not like me. Everyone is not obsessed with altruism, benevolence, sharing, and genuine exchange. In short, many people are NOT trustworthy. These have been invaluable lessons, because it's forced me to create a system that ensures that I deliberately exclude toxic, untrustworthy people from my life (I'm not talking about "liars" everyone fibs now and then, I'm talking about people who seriously lack honesty, exploit benevolence, and are only concerned with their material gain) and focus on engaging with and only with awesome, uplifting, trustworthy, altruistic people.

This city is so filthy and vile because it's full of scamming, disgusting, putrid con artists. I'm leaving this hell hole as soon as possible. EVERYONE abuses, exploits, and steals from me here. If you don't see why it's understandable to feel unsafe here -- it's an UNSAFE place!! -- then you're blind. Wow, I'm going to be so excited in a place that's warm and honest and not heartless and cruel. No wonder I've been so panicked in Chicago! I haven't' been surrounded by the benevolent, joyous, creative, spiritual people that I crave. No, I've been surrounded by conniving, greedy thieves! That's truth! So I'm looking forward to being around some great, benevolent, good, healthy people. Also, another lesson I learned is 1)rarely ever use your debit card for anything and 2)when you do ALWAYS carefully scrutinze the receipt before you sign it. That scam artist STOLE my grandmother's birthday check she gave me ($100). No use in lingering on this and being angry, I just have learned those 2 valuable lessons and will abide them. This creates a BIG distinction. I always want to be stay optimistic and never want to have a curmudgeonly view that "no one should EVER be trusted", but on the other hand, I shouldn't continue doing things the way I've been doing them and get slammed again and again by conniving, greedy rip-off people. So it's a great defining time to develop SINCERE and deliberate criteria for never trusting untrustworthy people and then somewhat relaxing around genuine, trustworthy, honest, and benevolent people.

I'm pretty mad that I lost my money, but I'm even MORE disgusted and shocked at how pathetic these people are who purposefully scam others to whittle out some extra bucks. Like their agenda is to purposefully steal from others to make their own life improved. Why am I a saint among demons? Where are more people like myself? I'm looking forward to living with people who are trustworthy, benevolent, spiritual, and as obsessed with altruism and servitude as I am. Whenever I feel uncomfortable around people and feel fearful of them, I should TRUST that! I must just listen to that intuition and avoid those people at all costs. Usually that initial fear or discomfort is so subtle, though. I can really do without more of the "learning lessons" .

All of this is a SERIOUS life-learning learning, MASSIVE critical mass realization that's changed my life forever and moved me towards connecting with only trustworthy people. Was there a pattern to all the cons? Was it primarily men or women? No, no gender discrimination. It's just city people. City people are untrustworthy. Where are my friends, Thoreau and Emerson and Einstein? Where are the genuine, selfless, people like me? Wow, I've really just seen a darker side of the world and know that I only want good, genuine, benevolent people in my life.