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Showing posts with label nlp_submodalities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nlp_submodalities. Show all posts

5.19.2009

Wanna Observe like Sherlock? Holmes' Elementary Meta-Strategy!

Holmes' Meta Strategy!
This is the transcription and reflection on Robert Dilts' Strategies of Genius.

Perception of Clusters of Details ---> Behavioral Observations + Environmental Observations ---> Inferences ---> Combinations of inferences ---> Conclusions

Cultural Assumptions & Facts are matched up with the observations to draw inferences, then the inferences are "compiled" to generate conclusions.

Why is Holmes Strategy so useful to learn?
Well, for one, Sherlock Holmes (although fictional) is the greatest observational-deducer probably ever to exist in our imaginations or out of it. The fact that he's fictional does not prevent his techniques from being genuine, applicable, and highly useful. The observational-deducing strategies used by Sherlock Holmes seriously fall in the category of something expansively NLP because it increases the options you have in life. You can (and will) draw these truthful, accurate conclusions seemingly from thin air. Yes, that is impressive and makes for a great trick, but also for your own awareness and heightened observational skills this is extremely potent. It's so valuabl eto understand how we go from submodality observations and asking the who, what, how, where, when (and sometiems why) questions to arrive at the causes and behavioral conditions and capabilities behind what we see. Wolves are notably more intelligent than dogs because of their 30% increased intelligence and heightened "observational learning". Observational learning means that they'll figure out how the cage they're in works, and can quickly escape than anything without observational learning. Similarly, learning and Applying Holmes meta-strategy for drawing deductive conclusions from heightened observations frees you and expands your life MUCH more than the person who does not use this strategy. Ultimately, by using and applying Holmes' filtering and questing and tying up observations with cultural assumptions, imaginations, and facts to reach inferecnes and then conclusions from the summation and formulaic equations of those inferences, you truly will lead a more liberated, more full, more complete life than someone who does not use these strategies. So learn on! :D

The fusion of cultural assumption & Fact with the observation is key and often the overlooked step.

If you see someone lightly hesitantly putting his hand on a woman's shoulder (observation), it's likely it's their first date (inference) because if they had gone on many dates, there likely would be no hesitation (cultural assumption)!

NLP Concepts utilized in Holmes' Strategy

Submodalities -- specifically visual acuity has been massively heightened and he ties in visual representation system observations with assumptions and facts to quickly create inferences

Logical Levels -- Holmes rapidly cycles through the logicals to quickly create awareness of how, who, what, when, where, and why someone did capabilities, identity, behaviors, environmental clues, and motives. So a strategy to add complexity and more detail to the Holmes' Meta Strategy for Observations to Conclusions (HMSO).


Applying Holmes' Strategy!
You can discover all those W-H questions by looking for corresponding clues, causes, conditions, and motives.

Environmental Clues answers ----> Where and When
Behavioral (or Antecedent) Causes ----------> What answers
Capabilities Conditions -----------> How answers
Beliefs & Values/Motives -----------> Why answers (Typically not investigated because of the psychological nature...and obscured concept).

Inference calls you to "imagine which behavior, environmental, capability, or belief CAUSES created the clues in those areas that you observe". In other words, if you see someone wearing a dress with a slight notch in their shoe, you'd create inferences and ask "what beliefs and capabilities does a person hold or have" to generate that environmental clue etc.

"Life is a great chain, the nature of which is known whenever we are shown a single link of it." -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Sherlock Holmes)


Examples

Example could be someone where's a nice dress antecedent cause, they're eager to impress. Behavioral Cause.

So just cycling through the Environmental, Behavioral, Beliefs/Motives, will inspire you to process in the W-H questions leading to logical level mostly-accurate inferences and conclusions about person!

Getting caught up in the "why" the beliefs and motives of a person can be useful at times, but usually is irrelevant. On certain levels, cognitive processes can be inferred from clues.

Exercises
Making the Magic of HMSO Holme's deduction-observation process a reality. Observe someone and try to deduce their profession.

Great trigger questions:
Right handed or left-handed?
Eye-correction?
Tan or not (do they work outside)?
Married or not? (Left-hand ring finger has ring?)
Where has the person been recently?
What's their nationality?

Professional tendencies: For example would a doctor walk differently than a technician or an actor or a farmer?
How might the different professional activities a person engages in effect their clothing?

Holmes reminds us "Singularity is almost an Invariable clue". So if someone has only one shirt cuff that's wrinkled, that's likely a clue that maybe they work at a desk and rest their elbow on the desk or frequently curl up only one shirt cuff. What profession would do that? Maybe a restaurant host who occasionally had to deal with priming an oily boiler or something. The key is look for individual asymetrical clues, those usual indicate something unique!

Plug in those answers and observational environmental clues to cultural assumptions, imaginations, personal memory, and context.

For the longest time I used to bombard my conscious mind with hundreds and thousands of these observational, environmental details. However, I never took the next two steps and drew inferences and deductions. So the environmental details was overwhelming. Drawing the conclusions from the deductions and inferences (which are from the observations) gives you the nice 1-4 "highly-probably" observational estimations instead of hundreds of seemingly (even though they're all connected pointing to 1-4 conclusions) disconnected observational details. In short, if you choose to observe many environmental, behavioral, or capable clues, be prepared to go all the way and make inferences from those observations, and then conclusions from those inferences. Otherwise you'll feel overwhelmed with a jumble of observations. So "to observe and fully reach conclusions from those inferences from observations" or "to not observe". Not observing is fine, and observing and following-through to inference and conclusion is fine and dandy, but simply observing details?? That's a recipe for quick overwhelm.

So I encourage you to practice these skills. And enjoy the discovery, excitement, and ease of using your visual (and auditory) acuity to draw seemingly astonishingly accurate conclusions from the "erroneously labeled" visual trifles:D Nothing is trivial!!!!!!

"Sir Arthur Conan Doyle -- “It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important. To a great mind, nothing is little”(Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s fictitious deductive genius creation whose entire method is “founded upon the observation of trifles”).


For calibration and detecting deceit

For detecting deceit and calibration use the 1/2-second rule! Any micro-expression response that occurs within 1/2 second of a question usually has been unmeditated and thus is likely truthful. Anything longer than a 1/2 second the person can/will change! :D Gotta have quick observation skills. Thus, the truthful micro-expression response (and thus the most accurate observation) occurs immediately after the question! And your partner may already know with what word(s) you'll end a question so you must start observing (the 1/2 second) immediately once they understand the question (not necessarily after you've completed saying the question)! A lot of timing!

Asking unique and/or complex questions means the partner will have to direct their attention to the question which means there will be more of a window for an answer that was not meditated upon! So complex or unique questions extends that 1/2 second response sometimes for a more honest answer.

Another great question is a meta-question: questions about what they just said: "Should I believe you?" Often times someone will react to their own answers in different way because of the amount of self-consciousness involved.

4.09.2009

Phone Conversations - The Best Ones and How to End on a High Plateau!

we talked about the like design of our diploma, thomas being a doctor, my awesome NLP stuff I loved, That felt like a REAL conversation. A great and valuable and meaningful conversation, too! Because we talked about something obscure (a lot of my conversations are like my reciting some blog post or future blog post sometimes haha!) the diplomas, thomas being a doctor -- stuff that basically only we could have a conversation a bout, so that made it more fun and rewarding and meaningful too. On that topic, what exactly is qualifications for a "good, rewarding, GREAT phone convo"? Well, I've give this lot of thought. I think the best phone conversations are ones that are unique and highly-specific and maybe even obscure to the people in the conversation. In otherwords, highly relevant somewhat subjective phone calls! Now, I love universals -- universal truths, universal math, universal language, those solid everywhere you go truths, I love! But in phone calls I've spent a lot of time telling, kind of broadcasting, almost to people the same update or current event of my life or inspirational idea. That's GREAT to do for a seminar or for a motivational lifecoaching session because if it what you say is inspiring and great and motivational then more people should hear it! Great!! But for a casual phone conversation...sure it's great to share the inspirational snippet great! But ultimately, I could broadcast an inspirational snippet in a blog or hopefully when I get actual lifecoaching phone sessions going, so for a casual conversation, strangely I feel the most rewarded when we discuss something highly specific and relevant to each other!

I just had a great, great convo with my brother James and we talked about the text-font-design of our college diplomas as well as our younger brother's career path! haha! A very bizarre thing to examine but it was a topic -- a conversational topic -- that only could really exist from the relationship that exists between my brother and I.

For the longest time I erroneously thought the best phone conversation was me broadcast some inspirational lesson or message, and YES, that DOES have a place, if I'm in rapport with an audience or a person who's interested at that time in hearing and experiencing a motivational message, but if it's just a casual conversation, broadcasting a huge motivational message kind of just has a neutral effect and isn't as uplifting as a highly specific person-to-person relevant conversation!! That was very surprising to me!

One of the best things we talked about was how to properly end conversations. I've had tons of people and articles provide advice on the MILLIONS of lines, the script, the dialogue, the words, you can say to end a phone conversation such as...
  • "I'm really sorry, but I have to go, it's dinner time. I'll call you tomorrow, OK? (pause) Bye!"
  • "Sorry got to go, there's someone at the door, bye"
  • "Oh my gosh! [Insert name of pet, younger sibling or child here!] Stop! You're going to kill yourself! Stop! Hold on!" [Hang up] If they call back later or something tell that the pet/ younger sibling/ child almost fell off the counter, or pulled a bookshelf down or something similar, but they ended up OK, despite some bruises and scrapes.
  • "Hey, I'm going to have to let you go because I have to get off the phone."
  • "Well i must be running up your bill, so Ill let you get on now, take care, bye"
  • Blah Blah -- USELESS!
Those words are useless unless you know when you should or want to end a phone call!! My problem was that, frankly, I have all these little projects in my life that I could easily get to but valued phone conversations (I can be a very chatty person at times) and always feared ending a convo that might provide inspiration or interesting discussions. So the solution is WHILE you're talking you think of things on your todo list that you want to get done and then weave those into the conversation and share your excitement about doing this next project and then say so I'm "adios to go do xyz"! So you aren't "ending terminating, severing" the phone call; instead, you're getting stoked, psyched, and sharing your interest in this next project that you have to do (writing a blog entry, taking dog for walk, some appointment, a computer project I'm working on, making done, going to meet a friend) and then telling the person that you'll love to continue talking but are going to do that.

People have all these "lines", "excuses" to say in phone calls and I've experienced people saying those to me and frankly, it kind of bites. It hurts to have someone make up something they have to do to end a phone call. So basically I never gave myself permission to end phone calls, even when I mentioned another project I always "asked" the other person if it was okay for me to go!! I'd say "I'm so psyched about xyz, Isn't that a cool project! Is it okay if I go do that?" haha!! I seriously felt Sooo uncomfortable simply saying I have to go and choosing to end the phone conversation. Like my problem was not not having an awareness of how to end a phone call, but rather, that I never knew when I wanted to or when it was best to do! The key, again, is openness, sharing a project I'm working on and saying I have to get back to that!

I'm a very talkative and happy social person when I'm in the mood but that does not have to coexist with being focused and clear and sharing projects that I'm working on then weaving that into the convo to then launch into that next project or action from the convo. In other words, you shouldn't ever "end-terminate" phone calls with friends (you SHOULD with obnoxious people and I'm quite good at terminating phone calls haha!) But segueing-launching into the next action of your life is what you should do with phone calls with friends. Cool!



eHow suggests:
Use phrases that come at the end of a conversation such as, “it’s been great talking to you” or “thanks for the chat.” This is a subtle way to let the other party know you are trying to wrap up the conversation.


So in other words, ending a conversation is NOT saying no to the person, no to their ideas, nor anything like that! I erroneously assumed that if I ended a conversation, I would be trampling on the person's ideas and essence and personality. I literally ALWAYS waited for the other person to say they had to go. Seriously! Just about every single phone call I was in, I felt like I the other person needed to say they had to go or else I'd terminate the conversation at the wrong time or "illegitamately" which is ridiculous because there's no legitimate or illegitimate phone convos, it's just a chat. The mind maketh good or ill; if someone has to go and someone chooses to interpret that as a disparagement, that's an insecurity problem of THEIRS!! So basically I learned to validate ending phone conversations and the missing element of that for me was NOT learning knew ways to express or communicate saying no.

Instead, the missing link that I needed was that I never knew internally what needed to happen in my mind to validate ending the conversation. I never knew knew when I "should" or even "when I wanted" to end the conversation. When I tried to practice it I said "I'm doing this great awesome project where I scan in photos from experiences in my life and apply this very precise chronological naming system so that I get the things done

101 Ways to Say No
-- Very funny!

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