The resourcefulness of an item, relationship, or experience is far too often a lesser priority than the possession of that thing. In other words, people want to have something just for the sake of possessing it, rather than having its desired effects. I remember being in relationship with a group of people that condescendingly castigated we with no cause. Such chidings occurred with a very distinct pattern. Every time I would return to that group and I was in an extremely clear and good zone -- like a scintillating reunion with some old friends, or an invigorating party, or some evocative experience like seeing a great movie, concert, or sporting event – they displayed great and virulent confrontation. I discovered that group of people vilified me and fallaciously penalized me whenever I was feeling very centered.
Such vicious vituperation shocked my system, and because of their deceitful revilement, which was largely provoked by fear, I typically apologized and played the role of the victim. It is unclear as to whether or not they felt out of control or felt frightened or simply didn't like it when I was in such a state of great happiness, but such reasons are irrelevant because becoming victimized by their nebulous remonstrations smashed my confidence, buried my enthusiasm, and, to say the least had a very destructive impact on my life.
The worst part was that whenever I tried to stand up for myself and tell the person that they were being horrible and having a terribly negative impact on me, they would team up and collectively say that I was wrong-doer. This created a debilitating doubt for me. I not only had to falsely be satisfied with the false belief that I had done something wrong, but I had to be in accordance with their terrible. It became a very tedious battle between who was really harming whom. They would create rules and limiting provisos to which I had to agree and completely and not only deny how much suffering they caused me, but pretend that they brought me happiness. The wouldnt' settle for anything less in politics of the extremely dysfunctional relationship. To say the least living with that group of people was incredible vapid. It's important to delete those experiences and then share them in the process of moving on and forgiving because in sharing them, you honor any emotive dislikes and likes.
However, I didn't let go and decide to move on because of fearing there would be a scarcity. Fortunately, I recognize that pattern and understand that with that awful group of people there were too options, conflict or me playing the victimized role. The word “decide” in Latin, decidere, means to "cut away from". Fortunately, I realized that cutting away that group had a very empowering effect because I could enjoy my zeal. Every decision makes an incision in our life experience; our goal is to discard the debilitating experiences and make way for harmonious and provocative growth.
Think about food consumption in regards to addition or deletion. Everyone knows that certain foods – fried foods, foods heavy on white sugar, and excessive carbs – can weigh us down, burden, and drain us. But people frequently eat when they are drained to add an energy boost. Deleting, choosing not to eat the heavy food, deciding not to purchase the useless knickknack that will clutter our life, exertion instead of recuperation, at times, is the solution for supreme control of happiness.
Deleting or adding things always has a chain reaction of cause-and-effect.
The important thing with all this deletion is to never throw out the baby with the bathwater and to always exchange something incapacitating for something fulfilling. In other words, don't delete all foods. Delete heavy, draining foods and replace them with nourishing foods. Delete debilitating relationships and add fulfilling friendships. There is this great line from the movie Chocolat:
"We can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do, by what we deny oursleves, by what we resist, and who we exclude. I think we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create, and who we include".We should be indulging in the richness of our life.
Americans have been choosing more often to buy imported cars (addition), which forces a domestic automakers like Ford to downshift. Ford then had to “delete” 30,000 jobs and close 14 of its primary factories because of the decreased demand for domestic cars (Popely 1). So deleting can cause changes and tension in people related that that cut. Those Ford works were no doubt distraught with the lay-offs, just as a partner may be distraught when you choose to end a destructive relationship. But the deletion must occur. Ford would have to file Chapter 11 if it didn’t “delete”. Similarly, we would continue to suffer tremendous agony if we didn’t delete negative relationships. Could you imagine if you kept “adding” and didn’t “delete” every spam your encountered or considered purchasing every advertisement you saw throughout your life? We would end up in a mental hospital. While adding the right things can certainly boost our vitality, introducing negative things to our life can seriously cripple us. Given the right choices, deleting keeps us centered on our ardent intention.
When trying to determine the resourcefulness of a relationship to a person, place, or thing, examining its effect should be the top priority. We must stop holding on to people or places or items that weigh us down, create stagnant deterioration of our endeavors, and have a degenerative impact on our authenticity.
Susan Collins concludes, "The difference between a live body and a dead one is movement and change -- completing and deleting, breathing in and breathing out, eating and eliminating, working and resting. We know someone's dead when they're rigid and hard" (Collins 32). If you really want to classify the work that you do as authentic, real, professional work, you have to create an enormously important task that requires a tremendously difficult process to accomplish, but then make that nearly impossible process appear simple, easy, and energizing. The living are dynamic and adaptive; they change and add to energizing things to their life as often as they take away static and destructive things in their life. Similarly, the thriving work is not a burden, accomplishes a tremendous goal, and has an inimitable style and charisma to it.
Collins affirms, "We feel like we're dying when we're doing the same things over and over, no longer choosing and no longer enjoying them" (Collins 31). Again the power of choice to delete is far to frequently over-looked as a method to improve our life and reacquaint ourselves with long-lost vim and vigor. It is alto-often that when distraught, depressed, or upset we turn to adding things to our life when we should be deleting the relationship limits our capacity, or the thing that confines our zeal. Abandon and "cut away" relationships, places, and things that stifle our concentrated intention. Your effulgence is never to be extinguished and charisma, never to be deactivated.
Collins, Susan. Our Children are Watching. Barrytown: Barrytown Ltd., 1995.
Popely, Rick. “Patriotism doesn’t sell cars today.” Chicago Tribune. Jan. 24, 2006.
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